Following is a book review I wrote for MTW Europe’s membercare website.  I used some of it in our Christmas letter but added some to it as well.  This is probably the most helpful book I read this  year.

A Sacred Sorrow by Michael Card

We lost two grandchildren this year—one through a miscarriage and one almost-adoption. Grief is hard, especially when you are far from those you long to be grieving with. There was so much sorrow in my heart and I didn’t know how to deal with it. As God opened the book, A Sacred Sorrow, to me I learned that what I really wanted for me and our children was to answer the questions “God, where are you?” and “God, if you love us, then why?”  In other words, I wanted us to know that God is present with us always and that He is full of loving kindness always.  Through speaking with God these words of lament I was able to gain a sense of the Lord’s presence with me and my children and also have a language that would express the hopelessness and doubt I so needed to lay before the Lord.  My prayers of complaint, whether then or now, are really prayers of faith because God longs for our honesty before Him and He is more than trustworthy to act.   As Card puts it “They represent the last refusal to let go of the God who may seem to be absent or worse—uncaring…It is supreme honesty before a God…I can trust.” 

Card begins the book in the Garden of Eden where, because of Adam and Eve’s denial and doubting of God's loving kindness and a "misbelief that God was only the sum of His gifts and no more"  they were turned out of the Garden and into the heartbreaking sorrow that we experience alongside of them.  This sorrow leads us all to the language of lament.  Card goes on and talks of David as the “ultimate composer” of lament, Job as our “mentor” of lament, and Jeremiah as the “incarnation of lament—in-fleshed and lived out”.  And, of course, of Jesus, the Man of Sorrows, who invites us to weep with Him, “holding together both truth and tears through lament”. We have faced some hard and unexpected turns in our family the last few years and this book has given me a language to use as I talk to the Lord about them. Once again I am brought back to the realization that my perceptions of what God is doing are so far from His character defined by His loving kindness.  I realize that I need to cry out not for Him to change the situation but for Him to just be present with me through what is happening.  This book is definitely at the top of most valued books I’ve read this year.

Christmas 2012

Rinnie, Meredith, Lauren & Coriena visit

We want to thank you for your love and support over this past year.  There is much to be thankful for and, certainly, each of you is counted in that list.  I’ve seen all kinds of Christmas letters…ones that give the highlights of each month, ones that talk of trips and happenings, ones that tell tales of children and grandchildren….  I’m sitting here thinking about what I would most like to tell you as I think back over this year.  Looking at my journal, I started the year like this, “A new year—I wonder what things God will be teaching me this year.”  I’d like to share a few of those things with you.

Wil, Amy & Eliana visit during the Olympics

In December last year we found out from our landlady that we would have to move.  It came totally out of the blue.  We had basically two weeks to find a place as well as pack up our things, ready to be moved after returning from a month in the US.  We moved, kicking and screaming, taking a house we didn’t like but it was the best that there was.  As I write this today, so many mornings I walk down our stairs and say to the Lord “thank you so much for this house.”  The Lord taught me that he does bless us with good things even when we think we aren’t getting something good.                                                                         

We visited Anna in Chattanooga, TN

Our mothers went to be with Jesus this year, Mom Meiners in February and my Mom in June.  Although we had prayed for these days to come since both our moms were struggling with levels of dementia, it’s still pretty hard when it actually happens.  I’d asked the Lord for a long time to allow me to be with my Mom when she died and he gave me two days with her.  I’m so thankful to Him for this kindness, to see my Mom gently go into the presence of her Savior.  God taught me that He does indeed give us the desires of our heart

Grandkids Eliana, Joanna & Sam at my Mom's graveside

We lost two grandchildren this year—one through a miscarriage and one almost-adoption.  Grief is hard, especially when you are far from those you long to be grieving with.  There was so much sorrow in my heart and I didn’t know how to deal with it.  As God opened the book, A Sacred  Sorrow,  (Michael Card) to me I learned that what I really wanted for me and our children was God’s presence and to know His loving kindness.  I’m so thankful to the Lord for this book and all I’ve learned from it.   I am also thankful for the promise of a new grandchild in May and for how the Lord has helped these two families deal with their own disappointments and grief.  God taught me that lament is really the language of worship, not the language of a doubting daughter.                                                        

Sarah with Sam

Paul and I celebrated 40 years of marriage this summer.  God has taught me much through our marriage.  We’ve had some rough patches lately with some disappointments and sorrows that I can’t go into here.  But through all of that, the steadfast love of our Lord never fails us and He has taught me that He knew what I would need in a steady, godly husband who would point me back to Jesus when the way forward looked really hard.

               

Meg and Aime's daughter, Shu

We have lived in London for eight years now.  That’s how long we lived in Muruu, Kenya at the beginning of our missionary career.  Many of you have walked the journey of these years with us and we are so grateful for you.  Thank you for your many prayers for us and our family.  We have needed them in ways we never expected but God has proved Himself faithful in helping us remember that “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  The Lord is graciously teaching me that He walks beside me day by day and future days are in His hands and control.

We do hope that as you look back over your year, you also will see the many things that the Lord has taught you.  A favorite verse that I’ve gone back to over and over this year is Psalm 62:11, “One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard (learned); that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving.” 

You will notice that Liz has the major hand in what is written above, though we’ve talked through it, and of course lived it together.  I’ve also seen the Lord’s hand in various parts of my life and work.  Through this year, with some reorganization in our Europe leadership I’ve felt a greater freedom and sense of support and team work that has been refreshing.  At a recent time with several other leaders Liz commented that I showed a freedom in discussions that she’d missed for a while and my sense of humor was back into the conversation.  It is not just a question of which people you work with or how you’re organized, but where your focus is.  A speaker at our presbytery meeting today in London said it well – that the reality of our union with Christ frees us from both striving for success or fear of failure.

A very merry Christmas to each of you as well as a Happy New Year!

Paul & Liz Meiners