Following is a book review I wrote for MTW Europe’s membercare website.  I used some of it in our Christmas letter but added some to it as well.  This is probably the most helpful book I read this  year.

A Sacred Sorrow by Michael Card

We lost two grandchildren this year—one through a miscarriage and one almost-adoption. Grief is hard, especially when you are far from those you long to be grieving with. There was so much sorrow in my heart and I didn’t know how to deal with it. As God opened the book, A Sacred Sorrow, to me I learned that what I really wanted for me and our children was to answer the questions “God, where are you?” and “God, if you love us, then why?”  In other words, I wanted us to know that God is present with us always and that He is full of loving kindness always.  Through speaking with God these words of lament I was able to gain a sense of the Lord’s presence with me and my children and also have a language that would express the hopelessness and doubt I so needed to lay before the Lord.  My prayers of complaint, whether then or now, are really prayers of faith because God longs for our honesty before Him and He is more than trustworthy to act.   As Card puts it “They represent the last refusal to let go of the God who may seem to be absent or worse—uncaring…It is supreme honesty before a God…I can trust.” 

Card begins the book in the Garden of Eden where, because of Adam and Eve’s denial and doubting of God's loving kindness and a "misbelief that God was only the sum of His gifts and no more"  they were turned out of the Garden and into the heartbreaking sorrow that we experience alongside of them.  This sorrow leads us all to the language of lament.  Card goes on and talks of David as the “ultimate composer” of lament, Job as our “mentor” of lament, and Jeremiah as the “incarnation of lament—in-fleshed and lived out”.  And, of course, of Jesus, the Man of Sorrows, who invites us to weep with Him, “holding together both truth and tears through lament”. We have faced some hard and unexpected turns in our family the last few years and this book has given me a language to use as I talk to the Lord about them. Once again I am brought back to the realization that my perceptions of what God is doing are so far from His character defined by His loving kindness.  I realize that I need to cry out not for Him to change the situation but for Him to just be present with me through what is happening.  This book is definitely at the top of most valued books I’ve read this year.

Christmas 2012

Rinnie, Meredith, Lauren & Coriena visit

We want to thank you for your love and support over this past year.  There is much to be thankful for and, certainly, each of you is counted in that list.  I’ve seen all kinds of Christmas letters…ones that give the highlights of each month, ones that talk of trips and happenings, ones that tell tales of children and grandchildren….  I’m sitting here thinking about what I would most like to tell you as I think back over this year.  Looking at my journal, I started the year like this, “A new year—I wonder what things God will be teaching me this year.”  I’d like to share a few of those things with you.

Wil, Amy & Eliana visit during the Olympics

In December last year we found out from our landlady that we would have to move.  It came totally out of the blue.  We had basically two weeks to find a place as well as pack up our things, ready to be moved after returning from a month in the US.  We moved, kicking and screaming, taking a house we didn’t like but it was the best that there was.  As I write this today, so many mornings I walk down our stairs and say to the Lord “thank you so much for this house.”  The Lord taught me that he does bless us with good things even when we think we aren’t getting something good.                                                                         

We visited Anna in Chattanooga, TN

Our mothers went to be with Jesus this year, Mom Meiners in February and my Mom in June.  Although we had prayed for these days to come since both our moms were struggling with levels of dementia, it’s still pretty hard when it actually happens.  I’d asked the Lord for a long time to allow me to be with my Mom when she died and he gave me two days with her.  I’m so thankful to Him for this kindness, to see my Mom gently go into the presence of her Savior.  God taught me that He does indeed give us the desires of our heart

Grandkids Eliana, Joanna & Sam at my Mom's graveside

We lost two grandchildren this year—one through a miscarriage and one almost-adoption.  Grief is hard, especially when you are far from those you long to be grieving with.  There was so much sorrow in my heart and I didn’t know how to deal with it.  As God opened the book, A Sacred  Sorrow,  (Michael Card) to me I learned that what I really wanted for me and our children was God’s presence and to know His loving kindness.  I’m so thankful to the Lord for this book and all I’ve learned from it.   I am also thankful for the promise of a new grandchild in May and for how the Lord has helped these two families deal with their own disappointments and grief.  God taught me that lament is really the language of worship, not the language of a doubting daughter.                                                        

Sarah with Sam

Paul and I celebrated 40 years of marriage this summer.  God has taught me much through our marriage.  We’ve had some rough patches lately with some disappointments and sorrows that I can’t go into here.  But through all of that, the steadfast love of our Lord never fails us and He has taught me that He knew what I would need in a steady, godly husband who would point me back to Jesus when the way forward looked really hard.

               

Meg and Aime's daughter, Shu

We have lived in London for eight years now.  That’s how long we lived in Muruu, Kenya at the beginning of our missionary career.  Many of you have walked the journey of these years with us and we are so grateful for you.  Thank you for your many prayers for us and our family.  We have needed them in ways we never expected but God has proved Himself faithful in helping us remember that “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  The Lord is graciously teaching me that He walks beside me day by day and future days are in His hands and control.

We do hope that as you look back over your year, you also will see the many things that the Lord has taught you.  A favorite verse that I’ve gone back to over and over this year is Psalm 62:11, “One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard (learned); that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving.” 

You will notice that Liz has the major hand in what is written above, though we’ve talked through it, and of course lived it together.  I’ve also seen the Lord’s hand in various parts of my life and work.  Through this year, with some reorganization in our Europe leadership I’ve felt a greater freedom and sense of support and team work that has been refreshing.  At a recent time with several other leaders Liz commented that I showed a freedom in discussions that she’d missed for a while and my sense of humor was back into the conversation.  It is not just a question of which people you work with or how you’re organized, but where your focus is.  A speaker at our presbytery meeting today in London said it well – that the reality of our union with Christ frees us from both striving for success or fear of failure.

A very merry Christmas to each of you as well as a Happy New Year!

Paul & Liz Meiners

Paul's Mom goes to be with the Lord

February 27th, Paul's Mom went to be with Lord. Her daughter Meg, a friend, her son-in-law, Steve were with her. She just slipped away into the arms of Jesus. She had not been eating or drinking, sleeping most of the time, a few smiles here and there, a whisper of thanks. So gentle was the Lord in taking her home.

She was an amazing woman. She loved the Lord all her life. Paul put together a great slide show of her life that he prepared for the Memorial Service. It was not just a tribute to her but to the one she loved most, Jesus, and his faithfulness through many things. Paul's Dad got polio shortly after their fourth child had been born and due to harsh winters it became necessary for the family to move across the US from up-state New York to New Mexico. Mom had to do all the driving.

After learning of her death, we were able to leave the next day for New Mexico to join the family in celebration of her life and her homegoing. All Paul's siblings and spouses were able to come as well as 16 of her 21 grandchildren and six of her 20 great grandchildren. The cousins had a great time getting reacquainted and meeting cousin spouses who were there. Sarah and Anna were able to come from our family and we had a special time with them. We were sad that our other kids were unable to make it.

We laughed and cried as we shared memories of Mom and went through some of her things. I'm so thankful for such a wonderful mother-in-law. I learned even more of her sacrificial love for her family as we all talked together. I'm adding a few pictures of the family and the cousins enjoying Mom's hats.

Feeling More Like Our Home

We've been busy trying to unpack and make this place more like OUR home. The other day as I walked home from my English class I really felt like I was coming home. That's a nice feeling. We were so sad when we found out we'd have to move from our old place and had only two weeks to find something else. It was a mad dash of looking and we chose this place mainly for its location (right around the corner from the church). When our old landlady told us we'd have to move, we walked around the neighborhood and asked the Lord to let us stay close to the church so when this place was available, we felt we should take it. We didn't particularly like it but also knew it "could work" for us. Now that we are moved in, I have to admit, I love the place. It's a house, not a flat so it is nice to have an upstairs. Our living room is smaller but actually has the feeling of being cozier. Our dining room is a definite improvement over using the entryway of our old place and although I loved my old kitchen, this one is more than adequate. So I'm adding a few pictures of the place with our things in it to give you a little feel of how it is now.

The upstairs has three "bedrooms" although one of them couldn't even fit Paul's desk in it. So, I am using it for my study. I'm so excited to have my own space since I have always worked out of our bedroom. It can also be used for any grandkids who may come to visit (like Eliana who is coming in July!!!!). We're still working on the guest room. Right now it has boxes of books and other stuff in it.

Paul's office has been the hardest part of this house. It has a room added on in the back of the house. Here they call it a "conservatory". He trying to fit into it what he needs and the rest, mainly books, spill over into the rest of the house, here and there. It's been hard getting it organized because his work goes on and there things he really needs to work on and attend too while trying to settle. So it is a work in progress but when it is finished, it should be very adequate for what he needs. So we are almost ready for guests! Please come see us if you can.